Welcome back, cult members.
🎄 Zero-Effort Trees
The older I get, the less I enjoy Christmas decor. It’s just another task on my to-do list. I’d rather be getting sloshed on mulled wine and watching “Scrooged” for the 80th time than fighting with a giant faux pine covered in asbestos-based fake snow. Bah, humbug.
This year, I decided to find a solution. I present: pop-up trees for all lifestyles.
Who It’s For: You want a traditional Christmas tree, but you have, like, five minutes to set it up, get the lights on, and decorate.
Who It’s Not: You get great joy out of hanging your personal ornament collection.
Who It’s For: You identify as a minimalist. Or, you have cats who really like to climb standard trees, and the little beasts are driving you towards a mental breakdown.
Who It’s Not: You think Christmas trees must be green. No exceptions.
Who It’s For: You consider “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” the highest form of cinema.
Who It’s Not: You have kids older than elementary school-aged. Your teen does not think this is cool.
Who It’s For: You need to mail a gift to a loved one in a nursing home, a dorm, overseas, or any small space where a tree isn’t practical.
Who It’s Not: You already bombarded the poor recipient with a Christmas card you designed yourself in Shutterfly, featuring your family in matching polyester pajamas.
The Tree: Minimalist Wooden Christmas Tree: Modern Scandinavian Decor | $406.09 on EtnopiaShop via Etsy
Who It’s For: You are allergic to every other form of tree known to humankind. Alternatively, you’re really into composting and drive a hybrid.
Who It’s Not: You straight-up refuse to assemble anything. You’re also not digging those ornaments out of storage.
The Tree: SINTENILL 6 FT Pop Up Christmas Tree with 100 LED Timer Lights & Remote | $28.78 on Amazon
Who It’s For: You like sparkles — like an inordinate amount. You need something with a tiny footprint to stuff in a corner.
Who It’s Not: You are prone to epileptic seizures. The lighting options on this tree remind me of a rave.
Editor’s Note: Obviously, I own this one. And yes, I adore it.
Who It’s For: Yeah, you’re not decorating. You just want to eat cheese and cured meats.
Who It’s Not: Vegans and those with lactose intolerance. Sorry.
🦃 Before you go: As a canned cranberry sauce enthusiast, I’m intrigued by this 2-Ingredient Cranberry Chocolate Bites recipe.
✨ Cults are all about recruiting. Pls share this post with friends and enemies.